There’s going to be painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change you. Let them make you stronger, smarter, and kinder. But don’t you go become someone that you are not. Cry. Scream if you have to. Then you straighten up that crown and KEEP IT MOVING.
If you are looking for a decent post about how love conquers all, then this one is not for you. If you are looking for a sober one, this is not for you as well. I am writing this with a glass of wine by my side after having finished 8 of it. This is probably not the most motivational post as well, but there is one thing I can assure you, this is the post of a girl who is fed up with all the things that are being said to her, and everyone else defining who she is. This is a post of a girl who has all the reason to give up but didn’t. This is the post of a girl who has nothing figured out, and yet she continues to push forward. This is a post of a girl who will not be a victim of life’s circumstances.
You see, these past few days have been one of the toughest days of my life. You know when you open up yourself to someone and they use that against you – it doesn’t just hurt you. It destroys you. But a good friend of mine once said, “In order to be better than anyone else, you don’t do what people expect you to do. Shock them with better decisions. You have to accept all that pain, all that sorrow, all that criticisms, all that backstabbing, all that mistakes, everything that is negative, or even good – and move forward from it; that makes you a better man. Find your purpose and grow from it. Don’t just stand there and accept whatever life throws at you because you are way smarter than that. Leave when you have to, have the courage to do the things you are afraid of, and let go of anything that oppresses you because the world is very big. It is too big and too fast to keep living in the past.”
For now, all I can say is forgive me. Forgive me if I am going to look past beyond you or anyone else and think better than my own dreams. Forgive me for allowing myself to actually not care about what you think. Forgive me because I am not sorry at all. Perhaps I will not succeed, perhaps I would have lost more friends along the way and regret this decision forever, but right now, at this point of my life, I don’t care. I am redoing my life all over again and I am removing anything that I need to remove in order to move forward. The good friends, the bad friends, and those I haven’t really spoken much about. You see when a woman gets hurt; some people cry their hearts out and move on. I know that is the most mature thing I can do right now, but as I have said, at this point I don’t really care. I am going to travel and I am going to conquer everything that stands in my way, even if it means I had to do it alone. You cannot really achieve your full potential and self-realization without losing a couple of people along the way, even the ones that matter.
Today, I had a great opportunity to speak with someone I have never met in my entire life, yet resonates with everything I have ever doubted about and was able to answer a lot of my questions. He spoke as if I have known him for years, and every single word is like a dart to my chest. He was right. One of the main reasons people are not happy is not because they cannot find themselves, it’s because somehow, someway, we always care about what other people think – our parents, our friends, our lovers, and even our church. You see, people are not perfect, and it takes guts to actually realize that we often commit mistakes. But the thing is, we are not defined by them, we never are. People are naturally good. No matter how much people say that they are secure with themselves, or how they have everything figured out or are confident with their decisions -the reality is actually quite the opposite. Everyone is always insecure about something, mostly about the future. Stop lying to yourself every day. It’s okay to not have everything figured out. Because no matter how perfect things are right now, life always finds a way to turn everything upside down. The future is everyone’s biggest insecurity and there is nothing wrong with that. This guy made me realize that along the way, you will always meet someone who will change everything about you, in a split second. Sometimes you just have to trust that every decision you make, even if it’s the wrong one, will always lead you to a better place.
So this is me, 8 glasses of wine and a lot of deleted friends after, I am moving forward. Like most of us, I don’t know if I am making the right choice. I do not know if I am going to be successful, just like how Mark Zuckerberg, Walt Disney or Steve Jobs didn’t know that they are going to be (and I don’t even match over those people, but at least I know now what they are trying to say). They believed in themselves, and they believed in their dreams. They believe that every single one of us has a purpose, and we just have to find that along the way. Hence, I am saying this with every part of my aching body and soul – I am ready. I am ready to let go of so many things in my life to be able to step into this whole new door that just opened up to me. A new door filled with so many uncertainties and opportunities. For the first time in my life, I am going to accept who I am- the insecurities, the bad things, the good things, the worst and the best. So yes, feel free to criticize me, to hate me, to unlike this post, to block me or whatever, perhaps you can even spread bad rumors about me – the girl who drank 8 glasses of wine to get attention because I am pathetic and I am insecure and I am whatever. Go ahead, gossip away. As I sip my last glass, I can look back at this post with a smile on my face, and say…
Yes – I can do this journey alone, with a little bit of kindness, a struck of luck and a lot of courage + good wine.