“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.” – Anonymous
Strong words right there, but very much true. A few months ago, I released an article titled This Is The Kind of Love That Changes You and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, that explained my views about relationships and my experiences with it. All, of course, ended the same way – bitter without the sweet.
When I was a child I believed that life does not need to be complex, and that love only happens only once in your life – with a happily ever after. This is, of course, all based on Hollywood romcoms during the 90’s. I even listed down 4 traits that my “future partner” should have:
- Must be Dangerously handsome. (because hello? who doesn’t love Ryan Philippe in “Cruel Intentions”?)
- Must never physically hurt me. (Hollywood traumatized my childhood big time, ok?)
- He should be hardworking, not rich. (because ’90s is all about the rags to riches, and love endures!)
- Must Love me for who I am (courtesy of the movie “10 things I hate about you”)
but, dating and “relationships” nowadays are more complicated than these 90’s films or relationship references, (Thanks to apps like Tinder and Happn). Plus, it’s tiring to keep playing the same stupid games that didn’t seem to exist before: like “who text first”, “did I text too much?”, “am I too clingy?”. Honestly honey, with the right person, you will never have to ask this question or play this game, he will pick up the darn phone to call you.
Years and years of kissing frogs taught me that, you can’t turn them into a prince. If it doesn’t feel good or right from the beginning, you can’t expect a different ending. But I guess I’m a little bit masochistic. I seriously thought that if I love someone enough, eventually they will love me back!
I thought that all relationships are supposed to be stressful, or that I have to be able to make “sacrifices” and lots of compromises to make someone accept me. But then again, you cannot keep forcing yourself to be with someone who will never see your worth. Also, please remember that you are not made to prove to anyone of your value either. It is not your job to assure them that you are the best among the rest – he has to figure that out on his own.
So, after going through all the possible scenarios there is to “modern dating” and “relationships”, to the point that I actually gave up on it…
I met him.
I’m not gonna dive much into details about how, or where or when I met him, because I’d like to keep that story between my friends. But I guess you could say, that we both didn’t expect anything to happen from the moment we first saw each other. I just thought he is just going to be one of those guys who will eventually fizzle out into thin air. So, when he actually decided to see me more, I was skeptical. After all, he was just an intern and would be going back to his country in less than three (3) months. Also, didn’t I already swear off relationships – especially long distance ones?
But let me tell you… this one is really persistent. He didn’t give up no matter how many times I pushed him away. He is so kind, understanding, loving and compassionate that it’s almost quite impossible for me to believe that he is real. Because all I ever had as “boyfriends” were self-centered, cheating, egotistical, misogynists, who cared nothing about anything but themselves. I thought that was the only kind of men I could ever find or deserve. I had this belief set in my brain, that maybe, I am not cut out for relationships in this era.
Plus, I’ve always worked so hard to make a relationship work, and I have no time for that anymore. I already work hard in my job, why would I need to work hard on my relationship too? It’s not as if more work is going to help with my sleep and sanity.
I also thought I needed to be perfect for anyone to appreciate me. But the truth is: the one for you, already thinks you are perfect. You didn’t have to change who you are to make them appreciate, love you or care for you. I know, it’s quite difficult to believe that you’ll ever find anyone for you after a series of failed relationships. Your past really does take a toll on you, as it did with me.
But you see, the one you deserve to be with will undoubtedly make you understand this fact: You don’t need to have so much drama to have a healthy relationship. All those Hollywood films? Forget them. TRUST ME, after having been through really intense relationships, that is bumpier than a roller coaster ride – you’d begin to think that drama is necessary, but no. Because even if it’s cliche, the right one for you will come at the right time, at the right place and will love you for who you are – without even a hint of hesitation (no drama, no baggage – nothing).
It’s almost shocking how easy it was to be with him. I did not need to tell him or remind him what he has to do to make me feel secure and respected. He already knows that, and he always makes it a point to show it to me every single day. He will not do anything that compromises your trust, because he will respect you so much more than you could ever hope for.
But more than anything, he will know and trust that you love him too, so for dear life – don’t break that trust.
I know it’s difficult to be single in a world where everyone else seems to have found someone. When you get invited to weddings almost every single month, or when everyone has someone to hug during the holidays, except you. But trust me, sometimes – we have to go through all of this so that we can appreciate more when the right person comes along. I know it’s hard to believe it now because I also wouldn’t have believed it when you tell me this a few months ago.
But now, more than ever – I am sure, that there is always going to be someone for everyone. It might take a while, it might make you give up before it happens, but then be sure that when it does – you will know that it is worth it.
So for now, don’t stress so much about finding your perfect “relationship”, and instead enjoy this time to figure out more about you, and the kind of person that you really, truly deserve. Because I’m sure, you deserve more than what you give yourself credit for.
This post is dedicated to the love of my life,
Belated Happy Birthday, and I look forward to the days where we can finally have more adventures, Je T’aime.
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